I walk the walk of the unknown. Silent and invisible, I tread across the land. Hat pulled down over my ears, hands thrust deep into pockets holed from use.
Quietly, I move from place to place, landing only long enough to recoup, never entering the palisades of human life. Eating little, I rummage; for what is not but wanting that which you cannot have fully.
I observe everything, absorbing knowing glances and sideways stares. My ears whisper the words spoken in hushed judgments; the whoosh of the rushing collective buzzing like a thousand bees.
Nothing I fear, and everything. Life is a dangerous place full of potholes and pitfalls. I am an acrobat, leaping over hurdles and tumbling into soft spots, out of sight. No one truly sees me. I am hidden away from the normalcy of the world.
My heart beats in unison with another, so much so that I cannot bear it. Hurt hurdles from and through me; a reminder of painful words and lost dreams. It aches to be where it belongs, yet I am denied by the demons that ride on my back and play within my psyche.
My mind is a playground for unwanted ghouls and ghastly thoughts. A contrast to my heart which only yearns to love and be loved in return. It is a maze which never seems to end, twisting and turning in contorted ways as if I slipped through the looking glass somehow.
If only I could find the remedy to return to the realm of reality and become whom I am meant to be. The fairy tales and dreams were lies and misdirection that held the promise of an unreachable future. I think I knew it at the time, yet denied with disbelief that normality was attainable for the likes of me.
Alas, acceptance, as I am, is not to be mine, by all, by me. I am a wayward child, and so, I walk the walk of the unknown until such time that the light will come and shine on me.
Rescue will come, and joy will be mine, for hope is held in a heart, wrapped in a ribbon of prayers. For now, faith is secreted away with the ember that still burns deep within; lit when I was an infant, carried and protected by one greater than I.
Long gone is the nurturing, for I left it behind when this journey began. Occasionally I return to absorb the radiance of unconditional love undeservedly placed upon me by one who will not give up. For her, I try, and fail, and then try again.
If you see me, I will nod in slight acknowledgement. A pretense that I am similar to you. Some are fooled, for I am an actor in this life’s pilgrimage. Playing my part, while another prays for salvation as I plod along, walking the walk of the unknown.
If you liked this faith story you can find others on the Faith Stories link of Leslie’s website.