Living A Worthy Life

I don’t know if it is because I’m no longer a naïve teenager, or because Jesus draws me nearer to Him with each passing day, but I’ve started to ask myself if I’m living a worthy life.

Easter is always a time of reflection for me, but this year I’ve begun looking at how I can live my life differently. I’m not living it for me, for my friends and neighbours, or even for my family. They are all truly worth living for, but they no longer dictate how I choose to live my life. Instead, I am trying to live a life worthy of such a sacrifice, and I’m not sure it is even truly possible unless you are as pure as Mary was.

As an author, I always watch people. I observe how they interact, position their beliefs, and hold themselves to whatever standards they deem worthy. It always amazes me when someone is a very devoted Christian, yet talks freely of supporting the ability to kill someone, whether it be an intruder or the death penalty. To me, that is the total opposite of the commandment ‘they shall not kill.’ The same goes for someone who believes it is okay to cheat on a partner because they are not yet married. It is not up to me to judge. My only task is to pray; to pray for everyone, including myself.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve broken a few commandments in my time. I’ve dishonoured my mother and my father by actions unbecoming a young lady. In my younger days, I stole money from pockets to buy cigarettes, junk food and alcohol. I’m overweight, so one could say I was gluttonous at times, and I’ve cheated at games. I’ve lied, or stretched the truth, whether to belong, avoid getting in trouble, or for some other reason. None of it is justified. I’m not proud of any if it, and yet all is forgiven.

Looking back, I can see all the things I should have done better. All I can do now, each day, is try to be better than the day before. This includes not judging others, but leading instead by example. It means loving everyone for who they are in this moment, and supporting, not accusing or judging. Also, it means accepting my own faults and flaws, and loving myself, not despite them, but because of them. They strengthen me, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.

I’m not sure I’ll ever feel worthy of a gift such as His, but what I can do is try to live by His example and love freely, without condition. These days, when I look at people, I try to see Him. I no longer think about what my parents would say if they saw me. Now, I think about what He would say to me. I wonder if I’m living a worthy life; a life worthy of such forgiveness. He whispers, “You are, because I love you,” and that is enough for me.

I know His embrace, have felt His love and His forgiveness. He is my guide, my North Star, the one I freely choose to follow. Now, when I look at the cross, I look at all aspects of my day, and measure them. In the morning and in the evening, I spend time in gratitude and thanks for all I have, and all I don’t.

I don’t need to understand the ‘why’ as much. All I need to do is trust in Him and His timing for me. I’m not fully there yet, but I am working on it. I still find it hard not to worry, and not to pull back something I’ve already handed to Him. A mother’s heart can be a tricky thing at times, but I’m pulling back less and less that I hand over.

Trusting in Him brings me peace, even in the most difficult situations. I know I can handle anything as long as He is with me. Talking with Him brings me peace. Prayer brings me peace. All these things I have increased in my life, and I worry less. My son’s life is his own, not mine. I cannot control his choices, or give him all I wish for him. The best thing I can do for him is to pray for Him and place him in the heart of Jesus. Knowing this and trusting Jesus brings me peace.

God loves each of us. He sent His only Son to come and reunite what the enemy tried to separate from Him so long ago in the garden. His was the last sacrifice. It was the greatest and only sacrifice that matters.

We are children of God, created and loved by Him. He is woven into the very fabric of our DNA. We breathe His name with every breath, whether we know it or not. It is for Him and Him alone that we should ask ourselves if we are living a worthy life.

Free inspirational or motivational posts can be found on the inspirational page of Leslie’s website.