She Looked North

She looked north. Not because she could see him, but because that was the direction he headed when he left. There was a time in her younger years where she had looked west. Different person, different direction, but a leaving all the same.

Wrapping the blanket tighter around her shoulders, she looked up and started counting. She wasn’t sure why, but counting stars in the sky soothed her. Somehow, she felt smaller, and things mattered a little less as she contemplated the size and scope of the universe. What a magnificent design. Every night the sky held her, a familiar in a life of disruption. Tonight the sky seemed darker, as if it felt her mood. There were fewer stars. She never tried to count them all, just those that shone brightest.

Years ago, one star shone brighter than all the others. A sign that the saviour had been born into the world. A guide to the location, and a sign of hope. Maybe that is why she counted the brightest stars, looking for one to shine brighter and give her direction.

Shaking her head, she rose and went inside. The days were colder. It made her sadder. With every temperature drop, she knew he was out there somewhere. Huddled around a fire, perhaps huddled in a doorway. Sometimes, she knew he was inside, but it was always an unknown. The life of a nomadic child who wandered aimlessly.

The worry didn’t linger. She prayed for strength and forgiveness for pulling her worry back. No matter how she tried, she always seemed to worry. God had told her he would be okay, he would come back to Him, and serve Him. He has a wonderful purpose, even if unknown. She trusted God, but somehow her mother’s heart still worried. It made her wonder how Mary coped when her son disappeared at twelve for three days. 

She talked to Mary more these days. Mother to mother, daughter to mother. There was a kinship there. She thought if Mary could survive the horrors lashed upon her son, then surely she could survive the current circumstances, no matter how bad or sad they were. 

Pouring herself a cup of hot chocolate, she settled into her chair, snuggled under the blanket and wrapped her cold fingers around the warm cup. Her thoughts took her to happier times, when skinned knees, homework, soccer games, and movie nights were the things that occupied their time. She skipped over everything else. There is no point reliving the worst part, or wishing things were different. One couldn’t change the past, no matter how much they desired it to be different. Nor could they skip forward. 

Closing her eyes, she did the one thing that brought her to a state of peace, and said the rosary. Focusing on what was truly the most important thing, the life of Jesus, would put the worries behind her. For in salvation, will we be reunited, and spend an eternity in joy. That right there was her faith. Her hope, and her salvation. 

A smile settled on her lips. All would be well in time. God’s time, not hers. Setting the rosary down, she walked to the window to close the blinds. Time, she thought. It just takes time. She looked north once more, and said goodnight. “I love you,” she whispered, and closed the blind. That would have to be enough. God would take care of everything else. Closing her eyes, she asked God to carry her words across the wind to her loved one, and closed her eyes, letting her angels settle to take the watch. She knew one looked north as well and felt the leaving as he went to stand watch over the one she loved. Thank you she whispered, before falling into a deep peaceful slumber. 

If you liked this faith story you can find others on the Faith Stories link of Leslie’s website.